How to override fear & choose the next right action | Wellness Wednesday with Kris Carr


– Hi guys. Happy Wellness Wednesday, I decided to be a little early. I’m a minute early, because I
really enjoy punctual people. Gotta say. (laughs) Hello, hello. Today, we’re gonna talk
about, I think, a hot topic, and it’s fear. Here’s the deal. Every single one of us, every single person, is afraid of something. We all got something going on in our lives that creates fear in our hearts, or fear in our bodies, or fear in our minds. And, the difference
between successful people and unsuccessful people is something that’s super simple. Successful people feel that fear, and they go through it. They just work through it. They don’t let it paralyze them. That’s the only difference. So today, we’re gonna talk about how to override your fear, and take the next right action. And, as you know, I am no stranger to fear. I feel like I have a PhD in fear. I’ve been living with
cancer for 16 years now, and I’ve had to really
become friends with my fear. It’s become a spiritual practice for me to get to know it, and to work with it, and to move through it, and I want to share the
tools that I use today. I have a scan coming up, so a lot of the anxiety starts to flood my body around this time. And, this is common. And I’ve done this for 16 years now. So, again, I’m sharing what I use. And, I also run a business. And so there are times
when it’s just flush. And there have been times in my business where it has been close to the bone. And when you have a lot
of people relying on you for their paychecks and
livelihoods, that can be terrifying. Again, all you gotta
do is work through it. So, let me know in the comments below. Drop a comment, give me a thumbs up, let me know if this is a
topic that resonates with you, a topic that you need to hear about, a topic that you need to explore, a topic that we should continue to explore in the future, because I want to make
sure that this serves you, and I also want you to know
that you are not alone. The other thing I want you to
do as you’re going through, listening this week, is, if you have a technique, or something that you use to help you work through your fear, share it in the comments. Because we’re a community, we’re
a family, we’re a movement. And though I’m the one that’s broadcasting and sharing with you all right now, everybody reads the comments. We all want to know what you do. We all lean on each other. So, share it, we’d love to know. Okay, seeing lots of hearts. Let me just scroll through here
for a second, oh wonderful. Hi guys, good to see you. Hey Dawn, hey Mike, hi Claudine. Hello, everybody, good to see you. Okay, so, first and foremost, fear is natural. It’s natural, and in some
cases, it’s even necessary. So, think about the times when fear has given you
really valuable information. Fear has been you friend. Fear has shown up in the
form of your intuition. Maybe you get a sign, or a
synchronicity, or a feeling, or the hairs stand up on
the back of your neck, or you get a gut reaction to
something, maybe it’s a person. You know, this is not somebody
you should go on a date with. Or, wow, you know what, I’ve been feeling this
pain for X number of months and I should go check it out. Whatever it is, sometimes
fear can be our friend. It’s loaded with information, and that’s the only way
we need to look at it. And, the other thing I want to talk about as far as it being natural is, again, I’ve said this in the past,
that’s why I say it again, is all of our feelings
are welcome to the table. There’s no point in thinking
that we can amputate them. We can’t; there’s no bad feeling, there’s no bad experience in your head. It might not feel good, but there’s no reason to judge ourselves, because we might be experiencing fear. You know, there’s this notion
that we should be fearless. I don’t think that that’s reality. I don’t think it’s true. I think it’s impossible to be fearless. We wouldn’t be human. It’s a part of our evolution, it’s a part of what’s
kept us safe and alive. There’s a reason why you get anxiety. There’s a reason why you
go into fight or flight. No, there’s a reason why. And in our modern society, it’s something that we need
to be very mindful about. There’s a real tiger, or
there’s a paper tiger, and sometimes we can get the two confused. Right, so being fearless isn’t the goal. And sometimes, for some folks, even fearing less of the time is a tall order, and that’s okay. There’s no reason to change yourself, or tell yourself stories that
you’re flawed in some way, because you’re not. Again, the goal is to learn
how to work through your fear. Work with your fear. Get up, all cozy, right
up in fear’s business. Be like “How are you doing,
what do you have to teach me? “What is going on here?” Right? So, in my experience,
fear is about tripping. Fear is about either future tripping… “This might happen, “this is ahead.” All the stories that we tell ourselves. Or, it’s about being in the past. “This might happen again.” And, the way out of that fear-tripping is to get super grounded in the present. It is literally to, for some, foremost, be aware. Aware that, oh, I’m having
the symptoms of anxiety, I’m having the symptoms of fear. You know, stress hormones
are flooding my body. I’m starting to sweat. (sniffs)
I sorta smell. (laughs) My heart is racing, my tummy hurts. All of the feelings,
we know what they are. Those are symptoms. And, all we need to do is get aware when we have those symptoms, so that we can say to ourselves, “Oh, I’m in a fear attack. “Well what do I do when I’m in that place? “What do I do to shift out of that place? “What do I do to work with this?” That is when we open up our golden toolbox that we talk about each
and every week here on Wellness Wednesday. That is when we open our toolbox, and we lean on mindfulness. We go for a walk. We go outside. We just take a few deep breaths. We get back into our body, this sacred vessel, this home base of ours. Our temple. Get back into your body,
get super grounded. Take those deep breaths. And maybe go and meditate. Set your phone alarm if you need to. 10, 15 minutes, meditate. Go for a walk. Listen to some great
music that uplifts you. Getting out of that hot spot. Another thing to do is gratitude. Rather than all of the
stuff that you’re afraid of that may nor may not even happen, go through your gratitude list. Work it. What’s already great in your life? There’s so many things. You are so blessed, each
and every one of you. So many things. Reams and reams of things
to be grateful for. And also, lean on your inner circle. Your crew, your ride-or-dies. Create an inner circle, it doesn’t… You don’t have to have many friends. You just need a few true blues. You know, I was sharing on Instagram Live, because I always go on
Instagram before Facebook, and on Instagram, I am crazysexykris, so follow me. And so I was sharing that I had some tough news
in the past couple days about someone I love very dearly. And, I was feeling super blue. And my best friend and
I were gonna talk today before she left for vacation, and I said, well you know what, I don’t
want to bring you down, because I’m feeling super blue, and I know you’re about
to get on a flight. And I love you, have a great time, we’ll talk when you get back. And she said, “No. “You’re gonna pick up the
phone and call me right now. “We’re talking.” Because our friendship is for all of it. Not just a piece of it, it’s all of it. The way we show up for each other is we show up for all of it: the tough stuff, the great stuff. Not just the great stuff, and all the things that
we want to celebrate, but all of it. And that’s the type of community we, each and every one
of us, need to create. A couple of true blues
that you can lean on so that when you have… You need help working through something, you have somebody to go to. When you need help using your tools. When you need help with this next piece, which is telling yourself a better story. Telling yourself a more productive story. And, yeah, this is something
we focus on a lot here. We could tell ourselves
so many different things, and we often do. For example, we may say, “My best years are behind me.” And we have that
opportunity in that moment to catch ourselves, and
turn that thought around. “My best years are ahead of me. “I’m on the ascension. “I’m on the ascension.” In fact, I want to give you a challenge. This week, your mantra
is to say to yourself, “I’m on the ascension.” I’m on the ascension. I am ascending. I am ascending. Every time you look in the
mirror, say it to yourself. You don’t have to say it
out loud if someone else is in the room and you’re embarrassed. Say, “I am on the ascension.” Give me a thumbs up if
that resonates with you. Because so many of the times, we are saying something
very different to ourselves. “I’m too this, I’m not enough that. “I’ll never get this,
I’ll always be that.” How about we say, “I’m on the ascension.” Mm, doesn’t that feel good? Feels good even just saying it to you guys, it feels so good. So you may not be able
to change your situation, but you can change how you deal with it. You can change your reaction to it. I cannot change that I have Stage 4 cancer,
right now in this moment, at four o’clock on Wednesday, when I’m recording this broadcast. I can’t change that. But I can change my reaction to it. I can’t change that I
have to go get scanned in the coming weeks, but I can change my reaction
to it, my approach to it, the stories I tell myself, the experience I create around it. And each and every one of
us has the power to do that. And we think, how do people overcome fear? All these great people, these great athletes or whatever it is. These people who have done things that we can’t even imagine, who have broken through so many barriers. How did they do it? They worked the steps, guys. They worked it. That is how. There’s no difference between
them, and you, and me. Not once difference. That’s true. And so the last thing is telling yourself a
more productive story we talked about, but the last thing is choosing the next right action. So, you’ve got the awareness. You’re working your tools. You’re telling yourself
a more productive story, and then you’re choosing
the next right action. What does that look like? Well, it could be to make a cup of tea. Like, make yourself a little cup of tea. It could be to grab your favorite blankie, and watch a Netflix series that you love, that just lifts you out of that space. Or, it could be to pick up
the phone and ask for help. It could be to make that appointment. It could be to say yes to that opportunity that stretches you, and helps you ascend to the next level. That is what the next right action is. It can be a little, tiny, baby step, or it could be a leap, but it is taking the next right action. So, again, let me know. Let me know how you work through fear. How you massage fear. How you get cozy with it. How you make fear your friend, or not. Let me know, let everybody
in our community know, because again, we are a… We are a family. And, there’s so much wisdom in you, and I want to make sure that
we all get to experience it. Okay, I’m gonna take a peek
here at some of the comments. And I haven’t, you know, we’re running a little early, so I might tell you another quick story about this. Okay. (laughs)
Great to see you too, Erica. “I’m on the ascension,” I love it. Hey Dee. Oh my gosh, please share this, guys. Somebody, Eileen… Aileen, Eileen? Asks, “Do you mind if I share this?” Guys, please share this. I would love for you to share this if you’re loving our Wellness Wednesdays, and the topics that we’re talking about. Yes, share it with your
friends, your inner circle. Yes, your best years are
ahead, Sandy, absolutely. “I’m ascending,” Sally says, Carol says. Lots of thumbs up. We are a community, yes. Mm. Yep. Okay, there’s some long comments here that I’m going to go back to after this, so I can really be
present and take them in, and respond from my heart. Because obviously, when I’m live, I can’t really read long paragraphs, but I will go back and make
sure I check in with all of you. And so, I’m gonna tell
you one quick story, and then we’ll wrap. This is a story that,
if you’ve seen me live, I have shared many times, in different… At different conferences. And, I think it’s just such
a powerful example for me, because I think about
this story all the time when I’m looking to work my tools, have awareness, choose
a more productive story so that I can get through fear. And, this happened many years ago. I was hiking in the woods. And I love hiking, I love nature, I love all of the animals. I love when a chipmunk
runs across my path. I love seeing squirrels. Every once in a while,
you get to see a deer. It’s so great where I
live in the Catskills. I love seeing birds, I adore my birds. In fact, right after this Wellness Wednesday broadcast, I’m gonna go feed my hummingbirds, because I noticed that my feeder is empty, so they’re gonna need me. So, it’s a very rejuvenative
experience for me, walking or hiking in the woods, and it’s also super creative. It’s where I get some of my best ideas. And so, on this particular walk, I wasn’t thinking about
all of the wonderful beings that I was seeing. The trees, the different plants, “Oh, what kind of flower is that,” or “Oh, a cardinal.” Every time I see a cardinal,
I think it’s my grandma. My grandma flies by and
I say “Hey grandma.” I wasn’t thinking about
any of those things because this was many years ago. I had a scan coming up, and
I started to think about all the of the bad
things that could happen. “Oh this is the year “the cancer that’s in my
body becomes aggressive. “It’s been dormant, it’s been quiet, “it’s been slow-growing, “it’s basically not given me any problems, “but this is the year that it could “just take off like wildfire.” And I started to tell
myself all these stories and then I literally,
you guys, I saw myself, I’m very dramatic, I mean just… There’s a lot of drama. It’s like, I was Debra
Winger in Terms of Endearment in my hospital bed in the final scene, where everybody needs 10 boxes of tissues, thank you very much. Don’t wear mascara when you’re
watching that, or Beaches. These are oldies but goodies. Probably dating myself, but, tell me if you know
what I’m talking about. Beaches and Terms of Endearment. If you need to pop an emotional zit, those are the movies to watch. No mascara, 10 boxes of tissues. And so, I’m seeing myself as Debra Winger in the hospital bed. I’m saying goodbye to my two sons. Guys, I don’t even have kids. I don’t have kids. Who am I saying goodbye to, right? But this is a story that this crazy lady
is playing in her mind, and some of you can relate. Give me a thumbs up if you can relate. Let me know that I’m not all
alone with my ass hanging out in the vulnerable wind here. (laughs) Here’s the thing. Right in that moment, this huge bumblebee comes shooting out of the sky, and it hits me right on my
third eye, making me explode, and falls to its death,
sacrifices itself for me, this beautiful bee. And I just, of course, was
like what just happened? And I start laughing, and I start crying. And I realize, oh my gosh, it’s almost like I was
woken out of the trance. “I’m not Debra Winger. “Those aren’t my boys. “I’m not dying, I’m
right here in my woods. “There’s grandpa, there’s
chippy, there’s the deer, “there’s the tree, there’s the flower. “I am so grateful. “Now I’m gonna tell
myself a better story.” So, that is an example of how I work this, and it’s a real dramatic, funny
example from my life, (laughs) and I hope that it resonates with you and gives you some ideas. And the next time that you’re
in this place, you’ll remember you’re normal, and you
still have a lot of power. You have a lot of power,
and you’re very resilient. So, I love you. I’m gonna check in on the
comments right after this. Please share this. Please let me know how you’re doing, and I’ll see you next week. (blows kiss) Bye, guys.

21 thoughts on “How to override fear & choose the next right action | Wellness Wednesday with Kris Carr

  1. Thank you Kris! I admire you very much, I like you!! 🙂 I love when you say "become friend with your fear". Thank you.

    This doesn't have any link with the video but… for skincare, are you familiar with dr. Hauscka products?
    (sorry for my english).

    Love,
    Andrea

  2. Sorry, I can't unterstand (englisch is not my first Language) what you say 9:43. Is it ascention?
    Thank you Kris. I can see your human feelings trough your smile. I have to work on that theme again and again. Sometimes i try to figure out what I would say to he Friend in the same situation I go trough. But moving and make a break from the downward spiral thoughts is better, if the fear have nothing to say actually.

  3. I have Lyme that wants to hang around. There is plenty of fear around it, but what I have done is several things. First and foremost, is to stop reading the horror stories on the Internet. That is their story not mine. Flip your Script as I say. When I was first diagnosed, that is all I did, and I think I planted symptoms in my mind. Second thing I do is tap with Brad Yates every night on YouTube. Does EFT help me…I don’t know, but what I do know is Brad Yates does. His energy is calming to me…that just to hear his voice relaxes me. I can feel the compassion coming from him. The next thing I do is either go to Elkhart Tolle or ‘The Untethered Soul’, by Michael Singer. When you realize your mind will scare the bejesus out of you and you work on detaching, it really helps. Then lastly, I may say to myself, “this too shall pass.” Another thing I focus on is I am just a part of the bigger me. I am the personality known as Lynn, but that is not the Big Me. These things seem to help quite a bit.

  4. Hey Kris! I've been following you for years and I've bought a few of your books. Love you! The fear topic definitely resonates with me, as I'm sure it does with many. I can also go down a rabbit hole of "what if's" to the point of anxiety that has put me in the ER (twice) just to verify I'm NOT having a 2nd heart attack. Since my HA in 2012 I found I no longer trusted my extraordinarily healthy body. Kind of like when you have a really dependable car… your driving around and all of a sudden it breaks down and you go – WHAT! oh no, it's not dependable anymore… you don't trust it. At least that was my experience. So I had to use the tool box to forgive myself, trust God, and the Universe again. Some of my tools are meditation and being present, multilevel self care (healthy food, movement, products, thinking), listening to inspirational guru's (thank you for being one), and GRATITUDE! Great topic and great advice. I particularly like the idea and phrase "the next right action". Wishing you all the best always.

  5. fear = false expectation appearing real…..there is a state where you dont have a fear….ego has fear, your true state is in peace. you are beautiful. stay in bliss

  6. Thank you for this💛 Fear is definitely a topic that a lot of us can relate to! I have PTSD and there are a couple areas of my life where fear has paralyzed me for many years. I try to remember "feel the fear and do it anyway"

  7. Ahh Kris, yes tell yourself a different story. X
    I resonate to this vid so much. Ive struggled with anxiety for so long and the little voice that says ‘what if?’ Ugh. Anxiety feeds the fear scripts and it’s like water, it’s in the background underneath it all, looking for the next thing to be anxious about.🙄For me it’s a ‘hyper vigilance’ always on amber so my toolbox is about learning to relax. My self care is my priority now, I have a monthly aromatherapy massage, I go for a quick walk to release any unnecessary adrenaline and I feed the birds, have a tea in the garden and breathe.
    It’s a daily process to make new stories.😊 And a big part of my self care is listening to you!⭐️
    I also really recommend a book called ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel Van Der Kolk about transformation of trauma.
    You’re a massive source of Goodness, Kris and I always feel lighter after watching you.💕
    Love to all.
    I’m on the ascension. 👍xxx

  8. I waste and spend way too much time “in” my future what if fantasies! I could use a big bumblebee to snap me out of those times so I can spend more time in a positive place! I love the create a new story suggestion!!

  9. fear is when the rabies dog is running at you but when its teeth pinches your flesh
    fear disappears. and then there is only action.
    yes you have to go through fear and come out the other side
    and it is good for you.

  10. Pop an emotional zit!! LOL, love it. Sometimes a good crying movie is just the thing we need, and yeah, the two you mentioned fit the bill.

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